The Lord's Challenge for me

Some of you already know most of this story but it's been on my mind some more lately.

A few months ago, two of our favorite neighbors, Kory and Bri, moved out. We liked this couple so much we wanted to make a hole in our wall so we could visit each other without going out side, down the stair and up their stairs to see them. We imagined having this secret door where we could pass the kids over there, or they could pop on by and hang out. But alas, as with all things in life, things changed and they moved away. (Not very far, thankfully. We still see them as often as we can.) So we anticipated new neighbors and wondered if we could possibly like them as much as our previous ones. The day the "noobs" moved in, we thought it would be fun to take them some goodies and introduce ourselves. So I waddled my pregnant, jammy wearing self over there with James and knocked on the door. And who do you think answered? My ex-boy friend from high school and his wife. My jaw dropped to the floor and I could barely speak. You see, things didn't end very amicably. In fact, I was pretty sure he hated me. We hadn't even spoken in five years.

When said boyfriend, let's call him Franko (totally false name, and pretty funny, too,) and I broke up, he still had to go on a mission. While we were dating I kind of felt like waiting for him but didn't know if it was the right thing. He said "You'll probably be married before I even leave on my mission." ...and I was. The day before I was getting married, Franko called and told me he was leaving for his mission in about a month. He sounded pretty bitter and very self righteous in being right. I just felt like "oh well, see you never." And that was the last time we had spoken.

But when James and I were moving to BYU to go to graduate school, I had heard that Franko was still going to school here and I was certain I'd run into him somewhere. So everywhere I went I thought I saw him or even his old car but I never did. Until of course, I knocked on his door. At least I didn't have to ask him if he likes peanut butter.

Here's the meat of the story. After discovering he lived next door, I started have a small freak out. What are the chances that he would not only move into my ward, but move in RIGHT NEXT TO ME?! Thankfully we don't share a stairwell or I'd have to see him way more often. As it is, I probably only see Franko once or twice a week. I see his wife far more often. But I didn't know this when we first saw him. Anyway, all these feelings of hurt and remorse and anger from our relationship came back and I just wanted to understand them. James and I talked for a long time to help me figure things out. What I realized was that it wasn't really him being next door that upset me, but more like facing the things of the past.

Obviously things didn't end well when we broke up. Most of the last few months of dating were spent fighting. We would talk and talk and talk trying to "work through things" and nothing ever seemed truly resolved. Besides that, while I was talking with an old friend about it a couple of weeks ago, I realized that he was very controlling at the time. I didn't know that was what was going on then but figuring it out has helped me move past some of the hurt and anger.

Then a couple of weeks ago Franko was called as a teacher in our ward and I realized I'd have to see his face for a whole hour every other Sunday. Ugh. The first week I tried to listen but mostly just looked around the room and tried not to look at him. But I also remembered he was a pretty good teacher so his lessons weren't bad. It was just hard for me to see him and remember.

Well, yesterday William actually slept all through Sunday school so I was really able to pay attention. A couple of times Franko's wife spoke up and she inadvertently shared a bit about their marriage and relationship. All I'd known was what I saw when they got out of the car together to come home. (They didn't really hold hands and he hardly ever waited for her when going inside. He'd be half way up the stairs by the time she was just getting to the sidewalk. I remember Franko telling me he wanted to treat his wife like a queen...but I don't think this behavior is very royal, do you?) But when Franko's wife shared a bit about them, I really got the sense that they love each other. And here's the point of this whole story, I finally just felt happy for Franko and his wife. I finally felt like I was really glad they have each other and want them to succeed. I felt at peace.

So through this challenge the Lord put before me, I faced some old demons and grew from this experience. I know that my relationship with James is stronger because we talked about things and worked through my struggles together. Duh, I don't have to do these things alone, nor should I. So I give thanks to Heavenly Father for trusting me to grow and learn from this experience and for helping me finally find peace with my past.