I don wanna

I just needed to say that I don't want to die, not right now. I'm not worried about what's on the other side. I know it would be peaceful and beautiful. I know I'm on a good path and I don't have regrets. But life is so good right now.

Today as Edin and I ate dinner together my heart swelled with love for him. When he was getting ready for bed I kissed him and kissed him and held him. He's such a sweet and lovable child. We have our rough times. Edin cried and cried when we came in from a two minute freeze-our-bums-off walk and it was frustrating. When he finally snapped out of it, he was so sweet. I don't know what made the difference today but I felt so patient. I felt like I could handle all his tantrum throwing and crabby attitude. Somehow it didn't matter. I just felt so lucky to be his mother today. He makes me smile and laugh and want to be a better mother.

And as if my life wasn't blessed enough with one amazing little person, I was given Lizzie. She's such a determined, creative, pleasant, sweet, and loving baby. I know I've got my hands full with this one. She's so close to walking and I can she's just anxious for the new ability. Elizabeth's giggles and babbling brings me so much joy. I love to hear her new little voice. I'm excited for her to start talking and telling me what she's thinking about. And this girl can hold her own. Being a second time can be rough. I often wonder how any of them survive but she's so strong and ready to prove how strong and able-bodied she is. I love my little girl and I'd never trade her for anything.

I wouldn't have these two beauties if it weren't for my amazing husband, James. He's so good to me. I really feel like he's applying to our marriage what he learns in the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at BYU. I can tell when he realizes the best way to handle a situation or a conversation and he actually uses the knowledge he's gained. Our goal has always been to love each other more tomorrow than we did today. And I do love him more today than I did yesterday. I'm so grateful James is such an attentive husband and father. Edin and Elizabeth love him SO much! It's been hard having James so busy with school but that makes our time together even more valuable. I love James so much. I love that we can talk or read or watch movies or TV together. I love that we have so many interests in common but that we don't have to like everything the other person does. We have VERY different tastes in music and it's no big deal. I'm learning to enjoy his favorites. I want to go to France with him someday. He'll be able to show me all the sites and the food and the people.

So with all this said, I don't want to die. There are still so many things I want to do. I guess I better get going, huh?


(I'm not on my death bed or anything. Had to make sure you knew.)